Brain-iversary: Neurologically Intact!

I am about a week past my two year "Brain-iversary" and I just received the results of my most recent MRI. The short answer is everything is fine. Although it took a long time for the doctor to get to that. Don't leave me in suspense! The longer answer is that the MRI indicated some post-treatment changes. This could be something or nothing. On the brain scan, it looks like a small bright area near where the tumor was removed. The Doc says that indicates increased blood flow, or could be scar tissue from the radiation treatment that was post-surgery. (This is my best translation of Doctor-speak). This area was visible last year at my one year check-up, and is now just a few milimeters bigger - indicating that we need to continue to watch it. My next MRI will be in one year.
The doctor indicated that the options are...
1. That it is nothing - just post-treatment changes.
2. That it is regrowth of the original Meningioma tumor. If it continues to grow at a slow pace, the treatment option would be just to zap it again with the Cyberknife. This might be several years off, depending on what future exams show. Slow growth would indicate it is still non-malignant.
3. If significant growth is noticed in previous exams, they would want to go in, remove it and biopsy it. Not good. But this doesn't seem to be the case. The change was very little at all in one year.

The most interesting news is, after a very thorough exam, which consisted of walking back and forth across the tiny exam room and then sticking out my tongue, the doctor pronounced me "neurologically intact"! It's just a good thing that I didn't tell him that I homeschool my three boys, randomly burst into silly songs and am considering completing attempting a triathlon after being a non-athlete my whole life. All of which has caused my friends, my kids and my husband to question my "intactness" at one time or another. (I'll just keep that my little secret...)

Neurologically Intact!!

You can find my Brain Tumor Story here, and pictures of the original tumor here. And plenty of other posts under "Brain Surgery" in my sidebar, if you just can't get enough.

Brain Surgery... One Year Later

It is amazing to think that one year ago today at about the time I am writing this now, I was coming out of surgery on my brain. When I realized this today, I was driving to the grocery store at about the same time that I would have been entering surgery last year. For some reason, I broke down sobbing in the car. I don't know, I just think I was overwhelmed. I'm so thankful... so blessed.
God is so good.

Here are just a few of the reasons...
- I never had seizures in spite of the size of my tumor (check out the pictures... it is scary!) I'm so glad that this never happened with all the time I spend alone with my kids, at home, driving them around, taking walks. The worst problem I had were these unusual headaches.
- God prepared me ahead of time in several subtle ways- through things I was reading in His word, learning in my bible study and a few personal experiences that really prepared me to hear the news that something like this had entered my life. He girded me up, and made me ready to handle what might have drowned me otherwise.
- He provided friends and family with wisdom and encouragement at just the times I needed it. Those who spoke out of their own experiences with learning to trust God and those who turned my attention directly to scripture were especially helpful - but the volume of people who cared about us was more than I ever expected. God abundantly supplied us in that area.
- I made it through surgery without an incident, and God didn't allow my children to be motherless and my husband to be without his wife. I was ready to be with the Lord, but I wasn't ready to leave my children and my husband. There was so much I wanted to say and no time to say it. I'm so thankful that I have more time with them.
- I got to keep my hair! (Well, most of it... a couple patches went missing and a lot has turned grey, but it grew back and I can color it when I want to!)
- Recovery was difficult, but God gave me sweet times of fellowship with him. Dealing with anxiety, pain, and confusion forced me to turn to Him for my peace, security, and stability. He made me understand my dependance on Him and caused me to learn how he is "an ever-present help in times of trouble".
- He has healed me completely from the tumor and it's effects. My most recent MRI shows no signs of any tumor. My brain has returned to "normal". (As normal as it ever was.) I have had no problems with my brain function and no continued headaches.

As much as I am so thankful that God has been good, I believe that He would still have been good if I had not been healed. God is good and does good - even if the outcome had not been like this. "For we know that God works all things for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) He does all things for His glory, and he has, through my tumor, done "abundantly more than we can ever ask or imagine." "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height or depth or anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus."

How I long for you to know that today...

Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the LORD, my soul.
(Psalm 103)

Here's what we've been up to...

A free slideshow by Smilebox

That healthy, radiated glow

I had my first and last Cyberknife treatment today. The doctor sort of suprised me with good news when we came in. He said that in consulting with the other Cyberknife doctors that they have found that the best treatment for my particular type of tumor was not multiple small doses, but one larger dose. So I guess I'm all done! It was just as uneventful as they said. I just lay there on the table listening to classical music and a small amount of clicking and zapping for about thirty minutes and that was all. No side effects so far, so I'm praying for more of nothing! He said it is possible I could lose small amounts of hair, where the beams might have overlapped, but probably minimal or none. The picture is of the mask they made for me to keep my head still on the table. They attach the sides to the table and it keeps you pinned down. So I have my Cyberknife souveniers - my mask, my special pillow, a Cyberknife polo shirt and pen. All that for a mere $$$$$???? But as Trevor prayed tonight (after he got to see the cool robot that zapped Mommy) - Thank you God for putting that robot in that office and for giving that doctor all those good ideas and such a smart brain in his head! AMEN!

Under the Cyber Knife

This is just a news blog, for those who have asked how everything is going lately...
It's time for the next part of my tumor treatment... Cyber Knife. The tumor that was removed was "atypical", which means it was fast growing and had some "strange looking" cells. (I love it when they use such technical language.) The most recent doctor called it "borderline malignant", which was the most scary words used for it yet, but I guess it still isn't considered malignant. However, since it does have a higher rate of recurrance, my doctors want to radiate the borders of the area where it was removed in the hopes of keeping it from coming back. So, I will be going under the Cyber Knife machine for five treatments in about a week. The treatments are supposed to be pretty easy, with very little side effects, if any.(Of course, I can't help but think about how I wasn't supposed to have the complications from surgery that I had either.) I had an MRI and CT scan today, so that they can prepare my treatment plan. I guess I will have to have MRI's at least yearly for the rest of my life. I'm sure I will get used to it, but it will also serve as a regular reminder of my own mortality. It is probably very lucky that I have lived 38 years without having to think about health issues at all. And also in a way lucky that now I will have a tangible reminder that life is always in God's hands.

Progress

It looks like I'm a little behind on updates. I have written several drafts, but keep deleting them. It's a lot of pressure trying to write something that other people might actually read - especially when you've had a grumpy week. Which is exactly what it has been. The problem is, it has had nothing to do with brain surgery or any legitimate complaint. I had a cold. Sore throat and coughing. Then at physical therapy I did two WHOLE hallway lengths of lunges, and it left me feeling like I had done the hardest workout of my life! Then, I decided that this would be the week that I stop taking my narcotic pain killers - all of them, and my sleeping pills too! And I have felt cold all week. I have been really GRUMPY! I feel so ridiculous for complaining after everything that has happened and everything that hasn't happened. But I guess this is all just part of it. I spent time this week writing all my thank-you notes, which helped with the grumpiness - to remember how thankful I am.
On the good notes... I went to church last week for the first time in two months, and was SO glad to be able to worship (corporately) and reflect on all that God has done. We are finally getting back to a regular school schedule and we are enjoying it. I have been able to rest daily during the kids "rest and read" time and have enjoyed listening to John Piper's sermon series "You Must Be Born Again". I think it is something that everyone should listen to, or you can read his book, "Finally Alive". What an exciting description of God's work in regeneration of our hearts - taking us from death to life through faith in Jesus Christ's finished work.
That's all for now, hopefully I will have time for more later.

Getting Back to Normal?

This last week has been a good week. For the first time, I think I am finally taking more steps forward than back. I have been told by other people recovering from various surgeries that when this happens, you are finally on the mend. It is really encouraging to not feel like there is a new problem to overcome.
I have been home with the kids by myself this week, and we have even attempted to get back to homeschool, although school is much scaled back and less ambitious - we are just trying to accomplish the basics so we don't forget how to read and write! Jeff's parents have been coming over in the afternoons so that I can take a nap. It is such a help!! I am usually very worn out after a morning of just the basic activities, and I don't want to leave the kids to themselves while I take a drugged up two hour nap. I have started backing off of the heavy duty narcotic drugs, to non-narcotic prescription pain meds, and my other medications from the surgery are phasing out too. My leg pain issues are getting better with physical therapy. Apparently, the issue was not only atrophied muscles from being in the hospital bed for so long, but also nerve sensitivity from the lumbar drain and blood patch procedures.
So, are we getting back to normal? I realized this week that some of my frustrations are with the clutter in the house, the piles of clean laundry that never get folded and put away and being behind where we "should be" in homeschooling - and then I realized I had those issues before all this, so I guess that is pretty normal! (It just seems to bug me more now.) I'm sure the physical recovery still has a way to go, but I think that normal is more in sight than it was a few weeks ago.
Of course, "normal" is really all relative - it has a lot to do with expectations, and comparisons. What do we expect from life and how do we measure up to those expectations? How do we compare to what other people's "normal" is? I never thought that a brain tumor would be part of my life, and yet I know so many others who have had to deal with challenges that seem so much greater. So, I am learning about being thankful, no matter where God has placed us in life, whatever our challenges or our gifts. A passage comes to mind from the apostle Paul, some familiar verses - and especially powerful when read together in context:
"For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances... I have learned the secret of of being content in any and every situation... I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4: 11,12,13

It is also good to know that no matter what our "normal" - that God is in control.
"In Him we were were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of His glory." Ephesians 1:11-12

Six Weeks - The Long and Short of It

It seems like the longest six weeks of my life, and yet - so much has happened so quickly, I can't believe how much has changed in such a short time. I was reviewing, for my own benefit today, exactly what happened and when. I have felt like I have really lost track of time through this whole adventure. It might also catch you up on some details you missed, since I have not been posting very regularly lately.

Dec 29th - 1st Doctor's appointment to ask about my daily headaches.
Jan 6th - 1st MRI, my doctor tells me that what she feared we would find is confirmed. There is a tumor - I need to consult a neurosurgeon.
Jan 7th - I meet with the neurosurgeon and learn that I have a large tumor, but that it is easy to get to and remove, and usually benign. I will need surgery.
Jan 11th - SURGERY DAY The tumor is successfully removed, we later learn that it is benign, but a Type II, which means a slightly higher rate of recurrence, and we will need to monitor it. Praise the Lord - no chemo!
Jan 12 - 15 - Spent recovering in ICU, then time to go home.
Jan 16th - Early am - so much for going home. Back to the ER after a bad night and fainting episode. Doc removes a large amount of spinal fluid from the surgery sight - big needle, lots of fluid - Yuck! Re-admitted for observation.
Jan 17 - 19 Back home, but swelling returns on the outside of my head.
Jan 20th - Readmitted to hospital to install Lumbar drain to help reduce the accumulating spinal fluid at the surgery site. Back in ICU.
Jan 21st - Severe headaches and another MRI indicate the drain is working too well. Lumbar drain is turned off, but not removed.
Jan 21 - 27 Still in ICU, with severe headaches. Fluid isn't as much on the outside of my skull, but has accumulated inside the skull, where the tumor used to be, which is causing the severe headaches. Doc drains the fluid from inside the skull with another big needle - Yuck!
Jan 27th Lumbar drain removed.
Jan 28th Moved to a regular room, no more ICU
Jan 29th Blood patch procedure to plug a possible spinal fluid leak from Lumbar procedure - should finally stop severe headaches. It works for the headaches, but I develop back spasms.
Jan 30 - 31 I could go home from the hospital, days are better, but nights are not - can't seem to control the pain at night. Doc adjusts pain meds and it is finally under control. A final MRI indicates that swelling due to fluid is not returning.
Feb 1st - FINALLY GOING HOME!!
Feb 3 - 10th - New complication: Severe leg cramps in my hamstrings limits my movement and severe spasms keep me in bed. Early on, I thought they would get better on their own, but they continued to get worse, the worst days being on the weekend when we can't reach the doctor to prescribe a muscle relaxant or some type of relief. At least I am still at home.
Feb 11th - Follow up appointment with the neurosurgeon. Amazingly, the leg cramps are minimal today - I don't know what made the difference. The doctor recommends physical therapy for my atrophied muscles. Finally a good day! It has been one month since the surgery.

So, I'm not sure if it has been a long or short six weeks - but certainly the most surreal six weeks of my life.

In another post, I will talk about some of the spiritual impact of the last six weeks.

Rollercoaster Ride and Need for More Prayers

Hello dear friends and prayer team -

I wanted to give you the latest update on Brain Surgery Central and ask for your prayers for the next stage of the process. Since coming home from the hospital, I have continued to have spinal fluid build up at the site of the incision. It is a normal part of post surgery, but the amount of fluid is quite a bit and keeps having to be drained. Basically it is inhibiting healing as the movement of fluid isn't allowing things to adhere and heal as well. They could continue to drain the fluid, but chances are it still wouldn't fix it and another surgery would ultimately be necessary. In order to avoid another surgery, the best option is to admit me for three more days, putting in a lumbar drain to get rid of the spinal fluid. This involves three more days in the ICU but provides the best opportunity to avoid additional surgery. This is obviously discouraging for Jeff and I who are so longing for normalcy and progress. We would ask for prayers for a thorough fix, healing of the surgery site, no further complications, routine for the boys and peace in all stages of the process.

I will go in to the hospital tomorrow morning at 9:00 and the procedure will be around noon. My parents will be staying at the house with Jeff and boys for the next couple of days - and the assistance we have received from friends and neighbors continues to be a lifeline - so thank you so much. You are welcome to call the house to get updates from Jeff or my parents. Jill Swain is still coordinating meals. I will probably have my computer with me to check emails and update my progress on the blog or facebook.

Romans 5:1-5

1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.



Standing in His Grace,

Jennifer and Jeff

Bump in the Road

Sorry I've been off the newsreel for a while. I was so glad to get home, and yet it felt a little scary to be unhooked from all monitoring and support I think the reality of it all is catching up with me. I have had quite a bit of fluid building up on my temple and surgery site. It's all normal and will eventually go away, but it has been really disconcerting to feel like your head is filling up like a balloon of water. Add in the fact that I am a classic over thinker and you get a recipe for no sleep just when you really really need it. I tried to sleep through the night Friday night, but no doing. I got up to use the restroom and began to feel nauseous and sort of lost consciousness in Jeff's arms, freaking him out quite a bit. Thankfully, Jeff's dad came over in the middle of the night to stay with the kids while Jeff took me to the ER. The docs did all kinds of tests including a CT scan to check for bleeding, EKG heart monitoring, blood tests and who knows what else - all things came back OK, other than a slightly abnormal EKG, which is to be expected after surgery. They admitted me for observation and I have been able to get medications for anxiety and to help me sleep. I really needed the sleep and even had some dream time, so I think that helped a lot. Jeff really needed the sleep too - he was beginning to look nearly as bad as me. Breaking News as I write... it looks like we will be heading home this afternoon. Pray for peace as I am a worrier and my medications seem to encourage that as well.

We are Home!

Thankfully - we have been sent home! Still tired and a little bit light headed, but so glad to be in my own house. I could really use a good hair washing, but will have to have help from Jeff, since I can't see what I'm doing. You would be amazed at the scar and how hidden it is in my hair. A lot of the swelling near my eye has gone away, I just have swelling around my temple, which the doc said will slowly begin to go down. I have a good 10 - 14 days to have my stitches in and then I will have a post-op appointment to get those taken out. What an incredible surreal experience, it's hard to believe what has happened in a week and a half. I feel like I have so much to process over what God has just done - hopefully in the next weeks I will be able to express some of what I've been learning - it feels like you all have expressed so much of it already in your comments and encouragements, that I don't know what else to say - hopefully more will come as I come out of the shock of it all. Pray for normalcy to return and for God to be glorified through this trial - He is good, all the time and He holds us in His hands.

Praise to the Lord the Almighty

Praise to the Lord the Almighty the King of Creation,
O my soul praise Him, for he is thy health and salvation!
All ye who hear, now to his temple draw near.
Praise Him in glad adoration!
Praise to the Lord who o'er all things so wonderously reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings,
Yea, so gently sustaineth,
Hast thou not seen how thy desires e're have been
granted in what He ordaineth?
Praise to the Lord who doth prosper thy work and defend thee.
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee,
Ponder anew what the almighty can do,
if with His love He befriend thee.
Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him,
All that hath life and breath come now with praises before Him,
Let the 'amen' sound from His people again,
Gladly for e'er we adore Him.

Good News from the Doctor

Well, I got all my tubes taken off this morning so I'm feeling relatively free of hindrances! I need a shower SOOOOO bad, but haven't been able to trust my dizzyness enough yet to want to move too quickly. Hopefully soon! Doctor came in this morning with the test results on the tumor. I'm not sure I can explain it really well, but I will give it a try. Most of these tumors are Type I, mine came back as a Type II. It is not malignant - PRAISE THE LORD! and there won't be any chemo needed. A Type I tumor has a reoccurance rate of about 10% over 10 years - fairly low. A Type II tumor has a higher reoccurance rate - 15% - 40% over 10 years. That means they will continue to use MRI screens to monitor it - even over the next couple of months. It is possible that we will meet with a Doctor from Cyber Knife who will assess whether he thinks we should radiate the area now or when/if it returns. So, there still may be more treatment, but it is an outpatient treatment - not chemo and it won't cause side effects or losing hair, all that bad stuff. The doctor felt confident, so I am trusting his assessment. So much stuff to try to understand, but I can just take it a day at a time.
An interesting side note to all of this - my dad was planning on leaving on Saturday for a big missions trip to Haiti to an orphanage there. He was so looking forward to the opportunity to serve and we were excited for him to go - his first missions trip post retirement. With all my health issues, he wasn't sure he was going to go, and now with the earthquake the trip has been cancelled. I'm so glad he wasn't already down there, as there is a team already there that he was supposed to be joining. They are still working on getting that part of the team out and it has been difficult. What a strange series of circumstances. You can pray that he will get another opportunity, because I know that area has been heavily on his heart and he has really been preparing for what God would have him do.
I had several more great emails, but I haven't been able to keep up with posting them all to the blog - please know they are all encouraging me - especially with the down day I had yesterday. I don't know how anyone would make it through this process without the support I've been shown through the people of God. Isn't it awesome how God has designed his people to support each other and be his hands and feet - I feel loved directly by Christ himself through all of you. Here's some fun thoughts to read - be encouraged, as I am!

Tania Bergren Norby commented on your status:

"I shared an email update from Jeff with my family after dinner this evening. At bedtime, Benjamin asked if he could pray for your dizziness and your test results. When he was praying, he added, "And thank you, God, that Mrs. Graves is still alive." Amen!! It is such a privilege to be able to pray for you. I know God has a plan for you, and to use these circumstances for good. Right now, the little ones around you (and us big ones, too) are experiencing God's faithfulness first-hand. We love you, Jen. Keep resting and healing, and we'll keep praying!
Tania
P.S. I think you look good in the pic on your blog--and a little bit of attitude with your tongue sticking out! Sneak a hospital gown home with you, and you can dress up like that for Halloween."

Hi Jen -

Is it meant to be that you are the encourager in your moment of weakness? I am so encouraged by your faith and your strength as I read through your blog and your updates. I'm sure you've heard the saying that God will never give us more than we can handle, and he must have known that you would indeed handle this with the grace and faith that you have shown thus far. There will be down times, and that is what we will keep in our prayers, as well as healing, strength for both you and Jeff, and continued awesome care from the doctors and nurses that surround you!

Thanks for sharing your experiences in this incredible journey...

Kim and family

From Sarah:
My devotion in my William Wilberforce book today was on friendship. He had written:
"No man has perhaps more cause for gratitude to God than myself. But of all the varioius instances of his goodness, the greatest of all, excepting only his Heavenly Grace, is the many kind friends with whom a gracious Providence has blessed me. Oh remember, my dearest boy, to form friendships with those only who love and serve God, and when once you have formed them, then preserve them as the most valuable of all possessions."

I thought of you, and Melissa, and Lisa, and the friendship we have formed through our Bible study. I'm so thankful for it! Looking forward to seeing you again.......and still praying for you. (I hope you don't get sick of hearing that, I just don't want you to think you've been forgotten.)

Love,
Sarah

Its Just Gonna Take Some Time

This is Jennifer updating now...
Its been sort of an up and down day. I did get good sleep last night and had a good breakfast -I'm so thankful I haven't had any naseua ro this point. After breakfast they took me to get another MRI to see how things are looking now. The doctor was a little concerned about what could have been a blood clot, so I had to get back out of bed and go get another MRI. I have been very dizzy even just in bed, so it's been hard when I have to get up. I nearly fainted and my blood pressure dropped pretty low. The second MRI confirmed, however, that there was NOT a blood clot - praise God! The dizzyness continues, but the doctor said it is all to be expeceted and will get better. It's just hard to feel out of control - it's just going to take some more time. My right eye has swollen up quite a bit, as well as my right temple, due to the fact that they had to pull away some of the muscle in my temple from the bone to get to the spot, but that should go away in time as well. The nurse just took off the bandage and we all ooh'd and ahh'd over what an incredible thing brain surgery is. I have a long (6 inches) incision, but it's all hidden in a part of hair (which is matted now and not very pretty), but I do have all my hair! I'm feeling better in terms of pain and if I can just manage my expectations about recovery I think it will all be fine. Possibly tomorrow I will be moved out of ICU to a regular room. Jeff seems to be doing better when the doctor gives us reassurances - then he is encouraging to me and helpes me to keep from stressing out. I think I've lost my light heartedness about it, but I'm not everwhelmingly discouraged this afternoon. I am so thankful for all of the emails and encouraging words - earlier today I had Jeff read tham all to me again when I was feeling scard and discouraged - so what you all have offered has been VERY imortant to me. I think my prayer requests going forward are for the lab results - I don't have a specific time frame on those yet. Also for reduced light-headednes/dizzyness so I can get up and around tomorrow when I have to. My eye continues to swell and the Dr says it may get worse before it gets better - so you can pray for that as well. Hope the picture I attached isn't too scary The bandages are off now, but I will spare you that detail. Thank you a million times over for your prayers!

Thanks be to God!

Jennifer made it through surgery successfully! The surgeon was confident that he was able to get all of the tumor. We will probably be waiting 2-3 days to find out if the tumor is benign. I still have some nervousness left until we find out that news, but at least the surgery is over. I am unable and incapable of expressing the gratitude I have for all the prayers and encouragement that we have received over the past 6 days. The way that God has used all of you to minister to us and especially Jennifer was what God intended Christian community to be! Your kindness and encouragement has not gone unnoticed by the Father:

Matt25:34-40

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

It is amazing how God works through those willing to be used. Our continued prayer is that your own personnel faith journeys will have been strengthened by a glimpse into ours, and that you to will find God faithfull in all circumstances like we have.

To God be the Glory!

Waiting

Well, the surgery and the wait have begun. She was in good spirits going in. We want you all to know that your prayers and words of encourgament have truly brought us peace and comfort. Thank you all so much. I will be sure to post as soon as we know more.
She is in the Lord's hands.

To God Be The Glory

My heart is full of thankfulness because it is evident that God will receive the glory for this day. I thank everyone for their encouragement and hope that others will be refreshed as well by what has been posted here. Jeff and I have prayed that above all God would receive praise and renown for the work of his hand and spirit in all of our lives. My sister in law came over last night to take pictures of the family while I still have good hair. The doctors have said it won't need to be shaved, but I'm sure it won't be the same either. So, I'm still a little vain, but I'm sure He will be working on that too.

More Emails that encourage my heart

Jennifer, I was reading John 9 this morning and when I read Jesus' words about healing the man born blind ("Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life"), I thought of you immediately. It amazes me to my CORE how God has already used this trail in your life to bring you closer to him, how He has strengthened your relationships with your boys, with your husband, how you all have been brought to your knees before the Lord in reverence and worship, how your faith has been strengthened. I am amazed. And humbled. God's name is SURELY glorified!!!!!! You have a beautiful heart. You treasure our God above all things. He is certainly honoring that. ("But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere THE FRAGRANCE OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF HIM." - 2 Cor :14).

You are my precious friend, I am praying for you today. Other Scriptures that are on my heart for you are:

"Be joyful in hope patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." - Romans 12:12

"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but of POWER." - 1 Cor. 4:20

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ... Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." - 2 Cor. 1:3, 4, 9

LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Melissa


Jennifer,

We've all been praying for you this morning. His mercies are new every morning, and continue to be!



Just relax and enjoy your anesthesia today. After so much worry over the past week, you finally get to sleep peacefully and get this over with! Have a scripture in mind as you drift off. You will feel like you only slept for two seconds before some very annoyng person is bugging you to wake up.



And just to say it again...people don't die during surgery for "easy-to-get-to" brain tumors. It just doesn't happen. You are healthy (even healthier than you were 6 months ago--aren't you glad you did all that hard work getting so fit?!), strong, and have nothing to fear. Just try to relax and let all the medical people do their job. You will do great!
Susan (My nurse friend)

From Diana -

Dearest Jennifer,

Since your Mom e-mailed me at the beginning of the week you and Jeff have constantly been on my mind. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug and kiss......but then I wouldn't be able to do that without crying.....

I love you so much and am so sorry that you are going through this. I have been reading your blog... You are putting into words what all of us have been carrying in our hearts for you....your fears, questions, concerns are what any young Christian wife and mother would naturally feel. But your ability to express them have amazed me. It is obvious that you have become a woman of God with incredible depth.


And so what can I say to you....I learned a long time ago, as I know you have too....that there are just some things we live through that are so hard that words of comfort are hard to find. When this occurs I have clung on to the words of Paul in Romans 8:26-27. Paul shares with us....."and in the same way the Holy Spirit helps us with our daily problems and in our praying. For when we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how to pray, (when the pain is so raw) the Holy Spirit prays for us with such feeling that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who
who knows all hearts, knows, of course, what the Spirit is saying as he pleads for us.."

From Lisa:
Hey Jennifer, I tried to post to your blog but could not do it. I was so amazed at how strong you seemed yesterday at church. I could see that you were leaning and trusting God during this trial. I am sure that at times you feel as if you need to fall to the ground and cry. I love your sense of humor through it all! I love Isaiah 40 when I need to be comforted... especially vs. 11 "He tends hi flock like a shepherd:He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;he gently leads those that have young. ..." and of course I also always love IS 40: 28-31. I have prayed for peace and comfort for you this day. I have prayed that God would make himself so present to you today that you would feel as if he is holding you and carrying you. It was good to see you and give you a hug yesterday. You will be the center of my prayers today. Love in Him, Lisa

A labor of love

My beautiful friend Sheila has just had a major surgery of her own, and yet in her recovery bed, while in a lot of pain she created a beautiful scrapbook for me for recording words of encouragement - like the ones I have received on this blog. It is a treasure and a gift that once more demonstrates how God provides for us. Here is an email I received from her husband
Hi Jen,



I can’t figure out the posting either, but Psalm 55 means a lot to me:



1 Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;

2 hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught

3 at the voice of the enemy,
at the stares of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering upon me
and revile me in their anger.

4 My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death assail me.

5 Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.

6 I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest-

7 I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
Selah

8 I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm."

9 Confuse the wicked, O Lord, confound their speech,
for I see violence and strife in the city.

10 Day and night they prowl about on its walls;
malice and abuse are within it.

11 Destructive forces are at work in the city;
threats and lies never leave its streets.

12 If an enemy were insulting me,
I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me,
I could hide from him.

13 But it is you, a man like myself,
my companion, my close friend,

14 with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
as we walked with the throng at the house of God.

15 Let death take my enemies by surprise;
let them go down alive to the grave, [b]
for evil finds lodging among them.

16 But I call to God,
and the LORD saves me.

17 Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.

18 He ransoms me unharmed
from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me.

19 God, who is enthroned forever,
will hear them and afflict them—
Selah
men who never change their ways
and have no fear of God.

20 My companion attacks his friends;
he violates his covenant.

21 His speech is smooth as butter,
yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil,
yet they are drawn swords.

22 Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall.

23 But you, O God, will bring down the wicked
into the pit of corruption;
bloodthirsty and deceitful men
will not live out half their days.
But as for me, I trust in you.



God Bless!!

Jeff Porter

From Cousin Jancie and Great Grandma Molzen

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Jenny, After trying to use your blog, and wanting to get a message to you, here it comes via. e-mail...I am truly sorry these trials are coming your way now. There are events in our life journey that we are not to understand...After reading som
e of the wonderful response's on your blog, I am blessed to know what great faith and love you have for the Lord....Actually, I always knew that, as it shine's in and thro you....My special word for you is in a hymn, Gr-grandma Molzen used to sing when I was a little girl. It is a simple song called Under His Wings, and I want to you to pack this along in your suit-case and take it with you tomorrow....Under His wings I am safely abiding; Though the night deepens and tempests are wild, Still I can trust Him; I know He will keep me; He has redeemed me, and I am His child. Under His wings, under His wings, Who from His love can sever? Under His wings my soul shall abide, Safely abiding forever. I will be singing or humming this tomorrow as I pray for you throught out the day and I think you gr-grandma will be also..... Now may Peace and Blessing abide with you, Much Love, Janice
How blessed I am to have a heritage of faith.